let me tell you about today19 maj 2006
School in the morning. Not much gets done. Worrying feelings starts growing inside. I haven’t done much for the essay so far. Christian is way more ambitious. When he leaves I decide to watch last nights episode of Lost. That’s how ambitious I am. Just when it’s over the people in the library tells me the library is closing so I head to the subway. I ride it to Stadion where I pick up three rolls of film. But before I do so I head over to an ATM to get a statement. I have 260 kr left. The development costs 206 so I’m thinking of maybe skipping getting the prints and buy champagne for the weekend instead, but I’m too curious and payes the 206. Photos looks good, I guess. They are printed on a cd because I have not got any prints, only scanned the film digital. I call Ellen and decide to meet up with her at Beckmans graduate show opening. Everyone is there and I am tired and a bit dysfunctional and antisocial so I can’t stay long. My social skills are zero. I think it’s a combination of stress and that it is too many acquaintances there. I kind of freak out a little and leave. Have to walk to Stadion again because i have no money for the train and the closer subway stations have impossible barriers. I go home to the Major for some work in the secret service. On my way there I buy some bread and yoghurt with my last money. Oh sometimes it sucks being poor. I arrive to the Major around eight and I leave again half past twelve. Some work gets done. But it’s hard. Slow and the place is such a mess. I guess it could compete with any drug nest in the 60/70s NYC. I bring all the letters along and start walking towards central station where there is a letter box you can put letters in for next day delivery. You can actually go there at 5AM and have it delivered a few hours later. After I put the letters in the box I head over to the subway. I manage to jump the spacey barriers just to see the last train southbound leave the platform. Fuck. I don’t have any money for night bus or taxi so there is only one way: walking. I forgot to mention but all day i’ve been carrying a big bag containing my computer and related stuff and another bag with five heavy books in a systembolagetbag so everyone thought it was bag-in-a-box wine. ”no, it’s just books”. I take my bags and start walking home. Bumps into Björn near Slussen. My iPod plays the talk radio show Against the grain which today is dealing with the connection between christianity and capitalism. It’s ok, I guess. I’m a bit too tired to pay full attention though. When i finally arrive home (one hour after i left the Major) I realise Ellen has locked lock in the door that i don’t have which mean I can’t get in! At the same time I run out batteries in my phone so I can’t call her. Since the whole day just been a big fog I didn’t really care. I flip open my laptop and it finds an open network and fire up Skype and call Ella. Ella tells me she is at Spy Bar with Ellen. She tells me she is going to put Ellen in a cab and send her here. I feel mean but at the same time I have no idea what else I could do?
Now since I am sitting here outside waiting for her to come, I might as well write down this day for you and for me to remember.