2AM21 juni 2006
I am super tired but I refuse to go to sleep. Why, I don’t know. Maybe I my laptop has more power over me than I do. Maybe because everything’s a mess. Trying to find answers but there aren’t any to be seen. There are moments when life is good. Unfortunately just moments. Trying to figure out if I’m getting antisocial again like the summer of 2000 or if I’m just getting very boring. I find nothing interesting in myself, my thoughts or my discussions. It’s just bullshit – all the time. Tomorrow I will figure out how to get a visa to russia. Like always, I pretend everything will be OK as soon as I do something I look forward to. This time it’s Russia, but to be honest, I’ve lost that passion too; the passion of loving Russia, maybe.
I just realised: this week will be one of the most important weeks of my life. If I decide to figure out how to get a visa, I will hopefully go to Russia in July which means I will once again fall in love with the country and because of that move there to the fall.
If I’m lazy and stare into my computer and reload RSS feeds, I will be walking the streets of Stockholm this fall again. Let’s hope I don’t, because I see no light in the Stockholm tunnel at the moment.
Tonight Sweden played another tie with England which is fun – another game to look forward to. Next up is Germany. Tough one.
Now my right eye is getting too tired to focus on the screen so I just have to go to sleep. Bye camerades.
Sincerely, the duke
ps. I like maps, but who will like the map dude?